The Candy Bar

November 7th, 2007


Meet Bob. Bob is 35-years-old, overweight, and unemployed. He lives in an apartment on Santa Clara Boulevard with his cat Mr. Snugglez. Today is Thursday, that means Chinese night. He has his day all planned out. Or so he thinks... (This is the part where, if this was a movie, you would hear creepy, dramatic music.)
"Beep beep beep beep beep beep be-" Bob rolled over and smacked the alarm until it stopped. He blinked a few times to make sure he was awake, pulled on his slippers, and walked with a slight limp into the kitchen. He approached the fridge, opened the door, and scanned the contents for something to eat. He spotted some pizza from the night before and stuck it in the microwave for 25 seconds. He poured himself a tall glass of milk and sat down on the couch to watch some chick flicks.
"No Courtney, don't do it!" he cried. "James is cheating on you with Jessica!"
After watching a couple of chick flicks, he was hungry again. He got into his beat-up little car and drove to KFC. He ordered a bucket of drumsticks and drove back home. He got a bottle of soda out of the fridge and sat down at his desk. He logged into a MMORPG and pwned some nubs (not really) while he ate his meal.
Later in the day, Bob's friends came over with Chinese take-out and a 12-pack of beer. They all went into Bob's room, where they played Dungeons and Dragons for a couple hours while they ate.
Once they got bored with D & D, they retired to the living room. Bob pulled out his Sailor Moon tapes and put one in the VCR while he made some popcorn. Extra butter. They spent a few hours watching Sailor Moon, cheering at their favorite teenage heroines.
"In the name of the moon, I will punish you!" said Bob's friend Nate.
"Dude shut up, I can't hear what Venus is saying," said another of Bob's friends.
Bob ran out of Sailor Moon tapes and his friends all went home. Bob was relaxing on his couch when he heard a soft crunch. He felt around between the cracks of his couch and discovered an unopened candy bar. He felt around under the cushions and found the culprit: a half-eaten bag of potato chips. Content with his newly acquired snack, Bob sat back, flipped on the TV, and watched Oprah until he fell asleep. Little did he know that it was no ordinary candy bar he had just eaten, and that this was the last time he would fall asleep...